Learning to be a woman: FACIAL

One of the things I keep getting accused of is not being feminine enough- or to put it another way- not caring enough that I'm female. (straight face, then confused face, then back to straight face)

I'm not sure what they mean!!!! Fair enough, shoes from Primark and Louis Vuitton look the same to me; fair enough starting a conversion about fashion is akin to speaking to me in Swedish- I don't think I'm that bad!!! And I have definitely come a long way from brother’s jeans, baseball cap, bandana wearing days. 

Anyway one day I was in Romford,  I walked past a beauty shop- I saw £18 for facial- I thought to myself- might as well try it out!!! First clue I should have ran was when the 'consultant' convinced me to go for a more expensive facial- I thought YOLO (you only live once)  (and secretly I thought I'm getting to that age where I can't compete with all these.....got to keep looking fresh for my boo {yinmu}…..)

So anyway the ‘consultant’ took me to the facial room- I laid down- I thought “oh wow this is relaxing”.... Then she tried to convince me to go for an even more expensive facial- nearly went for it until I heard the word 'lightening' nah thanks!

Ok back to relaxing- she's doing her thing- next thing I know- I felt this scalding heat on my face- I nearly ran out screaming “attempted murder”- then I realised it was just a steamer to 'whatever' my pores... 

But that wasn't the end- next thing I knew there's a metal scraping my nose- like WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?! This time I actually jumped up!!! She calmed me down and convinced me to stay... 

I thought no pain no gain! Then after all the assaults, she said the sweetest words I've ever heard “ALL DONE”- I looked around, no mirror- I thought “this is suspicious”... Walked out of the private room- her colleagues gave me funny looks but no one said anything. I walked round Romford, even went into Lidl- then I remembered I wanted to check out something in New Look so I went back into the Mall- I caught a glimspse of myself in the mirror and I nearly fainted!!!!

I had been walking around the whole of Romford with suspicious white stuff round my mouth and nostrils!!!! (crying) so now the whole of Romford think I'm on drugs!  Also on my neck there were shiny coloured stuff as well... And to make matters worse my face looked worse than before I did the facial!!! 
 

This was ALL pain and NO gain! Never again am I compromising who I am, I am all woman (thank you very much) yes I have my own spin on it- you don't like it, well tough! 

Saying that though- does anyone know where I can get semi-permanent eyebrow for cheap? (Covers face in shame)